This Means WAR

Living in a wooded area, we knew that our encounters with wildlife would be frequent and varied.  Deer in the front yard, the occasional eau de skunk lingering in the air when I leave for work in the morning, that sort of thing.  Apparently there has even been a bear sighting in the area recently.  This is all well and good, although I am not thrilled with the Lyme Disease that the white-tailed deer carry.  However, this pales in comparison to the mortal hatred I currently bear for Sciurus carolinensis, the grey squirrel.

I am not by nature a violent person.  However, if I had my way every grey squirrel within a half-mile radius of my home would drop dead and somehow create a barrier of horror that would prevent any other squirrel from approaching.  They are clever little rodents and I want them to die.  Here's why:

1)  They stole my strawberries.  My precious, nearly-ripe strawberries that I was waiting for.  Growing in a hanging basket, perched on a feeder outside.  We noticed that they'd stolen one so I carefully wrapped the basket in plastic wildlife mesh and I thought I was done.  Then, two weeks ago, Nick asked me, "Hon, did you cut a hole in the mesh?"  I had not.  And yet, there it was, a hole in my mesh.  And they'd stolen the rest of my almost-ready berries!

My response to this was to have Nick buy me a roll of chicken wire, and double-wrap the berry basket.  I may have to use a pair of forceps to get the berries out, but so far the squirrels are coming up frustrated and the one nearly-ripe berry in the basket is still there.  Take that, you furry little bastards!

2) Since the strawberry incident, the squirrels have upped the ante.  We have two bird feeders.  One larger feeder, with a baffle that probably doesn't squirrel-proof the feeder, but seems to work well enough to keep them from trying.  Plus, the birds dump seed on the ground which keeps the squirrels happy.  The second is a finch feeder.  It's on a pole that's impossible to baffle, but the holes from which the finches (and chickadees) pull the seed are so small that the squirrels can't get into them.  So I thought we were safe.  Until today, when I found this:

Seriously?!  The little furry bastards chewed through the solid hard plastic of the feeder tube to get to the seed.  This?  This means WAR.  Tomorrow (or tonight) I'm going to see if Nick will help me move the feeder pole; it's too close to an adjacent shrub.  I also think I might buy a wider pole that can take a baffle, and I want to baffle top and bottom.  But in the meantime, I added 2 tbsp of cayenne pepper to the birdseed; apparently birds don't mind it but squirrels don't like it.  Although they can learn to like it, apparently.  I am also looking into other feeder options, although most of the "squirrel-proof" feeders on the market really aren't.  Of course, what I would really prefer is no squirrels.  I'm rapidly falling into the camp of "the only good squirrel is a dead squirrel."  A neighbor offered to lend me his BB gun...He was kind of joking, but not really.  What I really need is my mother-in-law's dog.  She's 25 lbs of pure squirrel-killer.  If only they weren't away in Vermont...

UPDATE:
Apparently our squirrels like cayenne pepper.  Little bastards.  It didn't work, and now I'm out of cayenne.